Don't Leave

the version of you

that i hate and want to hurt

the part that is cursed

the part that

wants me back and

reminds me of good things you once did

like put the duvet on nicely

or got me there on time

even though it was a place i didnt want to be

you waited for me.

you waited for me in my mind

a made up

courtship

make-up on

bored shitless.

fed up of

your excuses

like 'i do not want to hurt you'

as an excuse to

ignore the fact

you hurt me.

the way it tangles up

an argument of tremors

you turn me on

with your errors

so annoying

but clever

i'm jealous

in case you are better

i've factored in the possibility

already.

it's not the hurting that hurts

it's the ignoring of it

that does not work

and then the more i hate you

you'll make me laugh

it doesn't fit in with the role i've cast

as i want to push you away

but i want you back for one more day

i want to conquer the part of you that's conquered me

i want to love while you hate

i want to taste it all again another way

I want your train to be late

just to make sure

i have reasons to harbour

these twisted thoughts I adore.

yes i want to make sure.

i place you on the ironing board

iron you flat so you will behave

behave like an ironed-flat man

and slide under the door .

slide at a strange angle

suitable for those who

deserve to be saved

for a punishment mixed with praise.

a spider spins

her whims away

and then i saw you

just a boy

just a bit angry

just a bit sad

a bit confused

because of your dad

and me, a girl

someone's daughter once

and hated

hated by their mother

and all i tangle up and rattle at you

strike out in breaths of disdain

is my attempt to make you go away

so i can win you back again