I can't help it after all i love him. he is imperfect untameable and not just a whim. I've fought hard not to love him or let him get under my skin. i've fought to let the love come back in i've fought the hate that makes me feel this way about him- as life is only what we think it is . he is not to blame for who i am how i do things or what i feel he is just giving a taste of what lies within what is below the realm of feelings he just opened a door i did not have to walk in

the version of you that i hate and want to hurt the part that is cursed the part that wants me back and reminds me of good things you once did like put the duvet on nicely or got me there on time even though it was a place i didnt want to be you waited for me. you waited for me in my mind a made up courtship make-up on bored shitless. fed up of your excuses like 'i do not want to hurt you' as an excuse to ignore the fact you hurt me. the way it tangles up an argument of tremo

a few months ago i was on your mind you told me every day i was on your mind . "i've been thinking about you...." is what U would say. But you never called. you told me i was on your mind so you would be on my mind . yesterday i was fine then we spent the night then you did not reply i wonder where U are tonight. We spent the evening on the sofa laughing you touched me and held me. You put a deposit on me like a silent scent and made it known , somehow that you would be back

a night tangled up with you with soft songs spoken passions awoken you spoke in your sleep : you said 'it is clear' you said it 3 times it was more than a whisper i was there to hear. you ran me thru your hands i fell away like sands you found all the ways to make me feel this way.... the love songs were playing but it was not you saying the words i don't know if the song spoke for you or if it was a curse to make me think of u again to make me dream of you again to tie me up